Another marriage post: 9 years!?

Ok 9 years of marriage. What.

If anyone would have asked me what being married for 9 years would look like, I promise it wouldn’t be this.

Well, for one. Nobody reaallly knows what marriage looks like until you’re in it. And two. I just had no idea what it was, what it meant, or what it could be.

Prior to marriage, I thought, “How hard could it be? I’m super easy-going and we rarely fight about anything.”

Ha.

Marriage has been the most humbling experience. It will find the things I most try to avoid and bring them to light. It has brought me face-to-face with my flaws, insecurities, and areas to improve. I can’t hide nothin' from it, or use excuses like "That's just who I am." 

It has forced me to develop way more self-awareness, take responsibility, and become a better version of myself. For the sake of our marriage and for my own personal growth. BUT, only if I’m willing.

When people say the “right” person brings out your best, I feel 2 ways about it. Of course, they bring out your best, but that seems too easy. The right person also brings out the side that gets triggered by the dumbest things. The side where past traumas and experiences can emerge in destructive ways. Things that, early on in my marriage I wasn’t mature enough to identify, resulting in terrible means of communication.

But I hate conflict, and drama, and bad feelings. And when life is at peace in our home, everything else is easy. The better I am with Shobab, the better I am in all aspects of life. 

For a few months now, I’ve been reflecting on humility and what that means in our marriage. So I asked my new favorite friend, ChatGTP, and its response was exactly how I wanted it to summarize:

“True humility is characterized by active listening, self-awareness, mutual respect, and serving others without expecting anything in return.  It's not about thinking less of oneself, but thinking of oneself less. It promotes positive relationships, and personal growth, and contributes to a more compassionate world.”

Perfectly said. And it can’t be faked. It’s something that has to come from an honest heart. And when shit gets tough and when it really matters, it's the hardest thing.

I experience it in different ways in those times when it really matters.

In some ways, it can be like an acceptance. A really deep, “Ok, I give up, I’m going to stop whatever I think I’m fighting for.” Or it can be by showing the respect to hear him out and resisting all the eye-rolling and over-exaggerated sighs. Or it can be by holding my tongue when I really, really, want to speak my mind and tell him why he's wrong.

Or it’s when, for a moment, I set aside my grievances and look through his lens. When I try to feel what he might be feeling. Then I get it.

That's when humility comes in, and love takes over.

My mother-in-law said something in conversation the other day, she said, “Faith without works is dead”, referencing James 2:13. I’ve always heard that verse in such a religious context. But she said it in a different way. We don’t just “hope” we get better, we have to put the work in to BE better. That could be health, diet, exercise, spiritual growth, or wherever the work needs to go.

The work is necessary. I can't hope to be humble. But put in the work to foster it.

I don’t know what “normal” is in marriage. If normal even is such a thing. I do know that it’s a life journey with changes, seasons, self-reflection, growth, and the commitment to put in the work.

And with Shobab, I get his commitment 100%. His commitment to put in what it takes to get everything we want out of it, and he inspires me to do the same. I love and appreciate him more and more for every year that we get a little older, a little wiser, a little more humbled, and more aware of how we can get in the way of ourselves. Together with God, we have the freedom to create a vibrant and meaningful life however we want that to look for us.

So, that’s 9 years. Still working at it. And very happy with where we’re at and all the seasons to come.

Did I marry my best friend?...and other notable updates.

Hey blog, it’s been a while.

So much time has passed, and too many things have happened that it feels intimidating to summarize.

So I won't. 

(But at the end you can read my list of updates.)

And since relationships are always fun to talk about. I'll write about being married for a little more than 7 years. Because, isn't that supposed to be the hardest year?

They say a good marriage is built on friendship. I scroll through posts and see things like, “I’m so lucky to have married my best friend!”

And every time, I think…”Do people really feel that way?” Then I’ll ask Shobab, “Hey babe, are we best friends?”

And we’ll probably laugh about it, take a few light-hearted jabs, and then agree that of course we are because who else do we talk to this much.

Finding a "friendship first" wasn't on my mind when I was in the market for a partner. I was 30. I already had really great friends. I wanted a companion. Someone outside of the "friend" category. Actually, it was a mutual friend who set us up.

On our first date, I saw something more than a friend. I saw someone who only saw me. Maybe because I was not at all what he expected, so he was partially surprised. But he made me feel like I was the only person that mattered.

Shobab was decisive and intentional. I was a bird looking for a cage. In a good way. His structure gave me boundaries. I became more focused and driven, especially in my career. Less flighty. 

We got married within 8 months. It was fast for sure, but it felt right and we were eager to start building our lives together.


When I think of a best friend, I think of an easy friendship. You go on different paths, you come together. You support decisions you don’t agree with. Time can pass, you pick up where you left off and it is hasn’t changed.

But this "marriage" relationship requires a different level of attention and love, and work than any friend I've had.

Of course we have our easy times and our fun times, but those times happen because of the work that goes into it, so that we can remain those things.



Every relationship is different. Some really do have the best friendship kind of marriage. It’s beautiful to me to see any relationship that works. What works for us certainly may not work for others. And what works for us now is constantly adjusted and reworked.

The idea is that we figure it out, and we keep figuring it out. Not let the perception of how we think our marriage should look at this point or how it measures to others detour us.

It’s easy to compare our lives because it appears “they’ve” got it together. We have expectations and then fight against ourselves, or each other, when it’s not playing out how we imagined.

The ins and outs of any partnership are so intimate, we only show what we want to show. It’s good to have "couple" role-models we look up to and learn from, but at the same time build it for how it works for our own relationship and personality dynamics.


Shobab and I both have dominant personalities. We both want to be in control. Not to control the other, but to control the outcome. And our ways of getting there are very different. We are practically opposite.

(Here's the personality test we took that gave us more insight into each other: www.16personalities.com)

I've been told that I treat our disagreements like a work meeting. I set an agenda, goals, expectations, and the steps to get there. I reduce most emotional needs to "tasks".

Shobab is a deeply feeling person and needs the "heart" to be addressed first before anything else can happen.


I can understand logistical complexities, I’m not so good at emotional complexities. While I know it's something I can develop, it doesn't come naturally to me.

And so it's something he's come to understand. It’s not that I’m inconsiderate, or un-feeling, I actually may not be able to get to the depth he’s at. Simultaneously, I feel a little relief knowing that about myself instead of thinking something's wrong with me.

But if our differences aren't understood, so much miscommunication can happen. Intentions are misconstrued, and that's often when resentment can bubble. And resentment is the worst.

It's something I don't ever want to build up in our relationship. That's actually one of the biggest things I work, and pray, against. It can happen so subtly and be so damaging if left unchecked or unforgiven.


So while both of us may have dominant personalities, he does a good job of making me appear, or feel, like I’m in charge. Especially in front of friends and family. With his easy laugh and pleasant responses to my outspoken and sarcastic remarks.

But don’t let those light eyes fool you, at the end of the day he calls the shots. And I say that in the most respectable way. He bears the responsibility of our entire family, he leads the household. From finances to life insurance, garbage day to roof repairs. He inherently assumes a burden I would never want.

I have plenty of responsibilities, but I rarely feel the weight. I live care-free knowing he’ll always take care of us, he'll always provide, no matter what.

I know that’s a privilege not many have. And I am so grateful.



Shobab is, of course, everything a best friend should be. But calling him a best friend doesn’t seem to carry the same kind of weight of how I feel about him and who he is to me.

We’re still learning, and that’s the beauty of it. I feel secure, supported, and capable to do just about anything we aim for when we're doing it together.

And so, after 7 years, I have more hope and more faith in a lasting, loving, marriage. One that isn't full of unresolved issues and built-up frustration.

God has proven to be faithful in our commitment over and over again, especially when we feel the most inadequate. I see how love does cover and heal and all those good things that are read in that one verse we hear at weddings.

Change is inevitable, we don’t know what 2022 will bring, what we’ll face, or how this new baby will switch things up. But I feel confident that we’ll continue to use every challenge as an opportunity for growth.

I’ll keep you posted….

xoxo


---

And an update for other notable things…

• Work-wise: At the start of the pandemic I volunteered to be furloughed from work, came back 2 weeks later and promoted to VP.
• I got really into house plants, collected too many, then let just enough die for me to be able to sustain them all.
• I secured major grant funding for a Biochar technology project as part of our zero-waste initiative (a 2-year endeavor so far). Permits from the different agencies have been a nightmare. Can learn more about it here: www.aplustree.com/biochar
• A friend and I started an in-home daycare/school in our downstairs unit. Shobab has gone above and beyond to make the indoor and outdoor space amazing. A venture that began as a means to offset the extreme cost of what we were paying in Zhara and Yaelle's personal schooling...and it turned into this: www.oakknollexplorers.com 
• Health-wise: I discovered a non-cancerous tumor on my pituitary gland that was giving me all the symptoms of pregnancy without being pregnant, and making me infertile at the same time. I changed my diet, began exercising regularly, and focused a lot more on my spiritual life. The tumor shrunk within a month and all my blood levels went back to normal....and then I immediately (accidentally) got pregnant!
• We found out we're having a boy. Yaelle named him Xkuka. He’s due in April. 
• Zhara is 3, and is still so cute I want to eat her. She zones-in when crafting, can write her alphabet and I'm so proud.
• Yaelle is 6 and started school at Montclair, a top-rated public school, and it was answered prayers she even got in. Her teacher said she is a joy to have in the classroom and comes to school every day 100%, ready to learn and collaborate with other students.

Extreme Kitchen Makeover

(Scroll through to see Before/After photos)

Here's the deal.

They say home projects aren't successful without the threat of divorce. Truth. Our last major renovation on the garage-turned-loft left us a bit traumatized. But this time we were going to do it different.

So we made a deal: If we were going to renovate, I could be no part of the process.

In the very, very, beginning of planning. We had our interior design friend, Maggie, come over for some consulting. That first meeting established a simple list of my “must-haves” and my “nice to haves”. We drew up a layout of what could work and pinned a few inspos.

And that was it, that was the extent of my input. Everything else was in Shobab’s hands.

Some may consider that brave of me. Actually, it was the only way I could get my new kitchen. He didn’t want me butting into his work process, or he wasn’t going to do it. And I trusted him. We have similar taste.

So, white or grey, stainless steel or gold. I didn’t care. Just give me drawers that can open and close.

Then I waited.

Late at night, we’d snack in the kitchen and dream about not being in our weak-ass kitchen one day. And then laugh about how many things are broken and half working.

Weeks passed. Then months. Maybe even a year. We had so much going on.

Then I came home one day to find piles of lumber under tarps and giant boxes stacked in the driveway.

Then more weeks passed. I guess permits in Oakland are a nightmare.

I learned not to ask about it, or at least to not be naggy about it. I knew he wanted to start the project as much as I did. It was tough for him to find the time in between his other work.

As he wrapped up other projects, I began seeing items pile up in the amazon cart (which he also instructed me not to look at).

A temporary fridge appeared in the living room with a microwave and coffee set-up. The hallway into the kitchen was suddenly boarded up and he covered the windows looking into the backyard.

It's funny because I don't recall much of a conversation, but I guess we were starting!

Movin' out.

About 2 weeks into the work, Shobab asked me and the girls to move out. It would be easier to manage everything without us in the way. He was also worried about the fumes and dust, and of course, the stress of keeping things a secret.

He’s the ultimate “surprise factor” kind of guy and didn’t want me to see ANYTHING in the process.

I mean nothing. If I needed something from the house, he’d drive it to me or meet me down the street.

So, the girls and I adventured between Airbnb’s, my parents, and his parent's house for an entire month.

Yaelle was excited to have a “sleepover” every night. Zhara was happy wherever there was food. I worked mostly remotely and had to travel to Pennsylvania for a week. Shobab worked 18 hour days, 7 days a week. And our moms were the best support every step of the way.

Surprisingly, the you-can’t-see-it-until it’s-done element, eliminated entire would-be arguments. What tile should we choose, what color, what cabinets? So many decisions I was happy not to be a part of.

For a month we barely saw each other and stayed connected mostly through text. He was engulfed in the work, I was lucky if I got a FaceTime kiss goodnight.

Shobab would set up the first crew at our house at 6am, jump between other projects, set up a 2nd crew at 4pm, work with them into the night, and then prepare for the next day.

He squeezed what would normally have been 4-5 months of work into 6 weeks. Six weeks!! With everything he did, that kind of timeline is absolutely crazy.

Reveal Day.

November 23rd was his self-made deadline for the big reveal day. Right before his birthday and Thanksgiving festivities.

My brother, Tim, met me up the street for a pre-interview. After that, the text came from Shobab, "I'm ready!"

We pulled up in front of the house to join some other family and neighbors waiting, also full of anticipation. True HGTV style.

Shobab came out the front door, blindfolded me, and led me inside.

And I was BLOWN away.

Not only did he completely transform the kitchen space, he practically redid the ENTIRE downstairs!

He changed the floors throughout the house, the beams, windows, and mantle in the living room, and re-did the guest room. It felt like I walked into a brand new home.

The before/during/after photos are in the slideshow above. Check out this reality-style video Tim cut together of the reveal day :)

Hon Fam Reunion 2019 Recap

Since we were all little babies, our Hon side of the family have been getting together just about every year.

It was important to our Mama (Chinese grandma) and Uncles that the cousins grow up with a tight-knit bond, no matter what. So every year, even if there was brotherly drama, all of that was put aside and we came together. I can't remember a reunion that wasn't full of fun, love, and laughter.

Our family has always been competitive. If you could walk and talk, you were eligible to compete in something-- relay races, basketball, cooking, ping pong, water balloon fights, and made-up comps just to turn mundane things into games.

If there's not some sort of activity happening, then we're either eating or sleeping. Nothing in between.

As we've gotten older, moved further away, and started our own families, we've made it a point to keep the traditions of our reunions alive. It's a fight to nail down a date, but it's inevitably worth it.

Our mama came to the US with a dollar in her pocket and no place to live. She would tell us stories of her time in the war, raising 5 boys, living on rooftops, poverty, and hardship. Yet, most of her stories were about blessings and thankfulness.

And now, all of us have come so far in education, entrepreneurship, finding great partners, and in so many successes with the uncles and cousins.

Our bonds have grown deeper and wider. Our Mama and Uncles who have passed would be so happy to see us still together.

This year, we hosted the reunion in Southern California, at an incredible mansion in the hills that perfectly accommodated our many activities.

From eating and competing, to kid talent shows and silent discos-- watch the super fun 4 min highlight:

We Doubled Our Company 7 Times, Then Our Leader Died. Here's my story.

Intro.

Bits and pieces of this story have been swirling in my head for a while. I’ve wanted to document my journey with A Plus ever since our former CEO, Jeremy Tibbets, suddenly passed away.

If I went into every crazy scenario, I could write a book. But I’ll settle with a blog post.

But first, a bit of context. Step into my world of tree care. It’s actually quite fascinating...

Trees 'n things.

Arboriculture is the fancy word for the study and management of trees. Hence, an Arborist. The services we provide are things like tree pruning, removals, planting, and pest & disease management. We do this primarily in the urban landscape.

Urban tree care is different from forestry and landscaping. It’s a $9 Billion dollar industry and also listed as the #1 most dangerous job in the US. And so, the most expensive workers comp across all industries.

To help provide further perspective, and because I love numbers: There are currently 83,000 active tree companies nationwide (compare that to 33,000 coffee shops). The average business employs just 2 people. More than half have an annual income of less than $500k. Only 5% gross more than $2.5M annually.

This means, it’s very easy to enter the market and make a buck. But not so easy to become super successful.

Success, in our company and with the clientele we have, is closely related to safety and a high standard of professionalism. Our field operators must be incredibly skilled and perform under stringent safety & compliance regulations, with near zero defect.

Sometimes it can be scary as hell. Most of the time it’s hard as hell. But talk to some of our treeple (get it), and they love what they do. The work, the thrill, the risk, the reward.

Today, I can say I have total confidence in our operations. Our execution is exceptional. You can find our beautiful equipment running up and down the West Coast and in Utah.

But. This hasn’t always been the case.

It started out just for fun.

Rewind to 2002.

I met Jeremy when I was 16 years old. He was 18.

Every Friday, my family used to host dinner and open fellowship in our home to anyone who would come. Jeremy was invited to come, through a co-worker who lived with us. He came for the free food.

The following week he brought his girlfriend. A year later, they got married, and soon after had their first child (of 4).

Jeremy didn't grow up with much and was a hustler. At 19, he worked at 24-Hour Fitness, was the youngest district manager, and making six figures with room to grow. Most may feel like they made it, but with a desire to make a mark and leave a legacy, he wanted to build something of his own.

He heard tree work had great profit margins. So with no background or experience in trees (or climbing, or chainsaws), he quit his job and ventured into the tree business. A Plus was born.

Over the years, our families became good friends, he did his tree thing, and we rarely spoke of it.

Fast forward to 2010. I was 2 years out of college, working 2 part-time, semi-fulfilling jobs. And I knew nothing about trees.

I don’t remember why, or where, or anything about the setting, but Jeremy pitched me: “Hey, you’re not doing much with your life. And you’re creative. I’m doing a sales presentation next week. Make it fun and I’ll pay ya”.

So I planned the meeting. I made it fun (obvi). And he paid me (barely).

Then I did another one.

Then a one month “trial” period. I thought it might be a waste of time, so I kept my other jobs.

A Plus was doing well for a small business. Revenue was just shy of $600k. Jeremy employed 10 people: 8 in the field, his dad (the book keeper slash mechanic slash whatever else Jeremy needed), and a part-time high school student to answer the phones.

But, as he does, he got bored. He was doing both sales and tree work and was itching to do something new and innovative.

His company tagline then was, “Not your Average Tree Service”. So, in his cold, little garage in Vallejo, we racked our brains for ideas on how we could make A Plus be anything but average.

The cold little garage in Vallejo.

There isn't an app for that.

He had been dreaming of a way to make his company high tech. So, before iPad’s and uber’s even existed, he came up with a software idea that he thought would solve all his problems. He called it ArborPlus.

Through serendipitous events, we landed a meeting with a huge client, completely out of our league.

We pitched them Jeremy’s software idea. We would map every tree in their portfolio (21,000 trees across 70 properties), with photos, health assessments, detailed service recommendations on a 5 year plan, budget projects — all accessible through our online portal. They would have a dynamic tree inventory, updated real-time so that information would be more accurate over time.

It sounds crazy that this was revolutionary, but it was. Everything on the market was clunky and old. Data wasn’t valued like it is today. There was nothing else like it on the market.

And it made sense to them. The money they spent on their tree maintenance was FULL of unknowns. What was their average spend per tree? What species of trees did they have? How could they forecast what they will spend over the long run? What condition are the trees in?

They could see that ArborPlus would provide data to make their lives easier and allow for smarter decisions.

At first, the “ArborPlus” we presented was a creative mix of google maps & excel spreadsheets, beautifully held together with photoshop. We actually didn’t have anything yet!

They said yes. Notorious for setting impossible deadlines, Jeremy agreed to have it ready in 6 months.

My “one-month” trial period ended. It was time to get to work.

The contract they signed was big enough to bootstrap development. I recruited a couple students from UC Berkeley, trained them on trees (while still learning myself), inventoried and photographed all 21,000 of them, sketched the flow of the software, designed the interface, hired a programmer (who later, sabotaged the software and disappeared with Jeremy’s dog), and delivered. Exactly. On. Time.

That was the beginning. And that’s when we knew we had something special.

Time for growth.

ArborPlus allowed us to manage our clients in a way that was previously not possible. It launched us into the commercial, multi-family and housing management market— where improperly maintained trees become a huge liability. We pulled every yellow-page ad and stopped marketing to residential.

Jeremy began building a sales team, starting with his good friend from the gym, Phil.

ArborPlus got our foot into a lot of doors, but the real money maker was all the new tree work. More of it, and lots of it.

Our commercial client base went from 10% to 60% within 2 years.

Revenue doubled.

For the first few years of growth it was just the 3 of us — Jeremy, Phil and I.

We were quite the team. Energy was an understatement. Jeremy was the visionary and light years ahead of us. Phil networked and made A Plus fans everywhere we went. And I (tried to) deliver on the wild promises they made to clients.

Most of the time we saw eye to eye. When we didn’t, it was a battle of wills between Phil and I. Jeremy, the tie breaker. We offended each other all the time. Nobody held a grudge, we moved on.

I usually got mad at them for selling services we didn’t yet have. But that was the business: Sell first, figure it out later.

And then the crews. Wow. “Specialize in the Ridiculous” became our unofficial tagline.

We threw them on the craziest jobs. Jobs where giant dead trees were on hillsides, between houses, and over environmentally protected streams that couldn't be disturbed. Jobs where each cut piece had to be carefully lowered using complex pulley and rigging systems. Or jobs where we had to drop 10 trees in 2 hours because it was severely underbid.

Our guys had to get creative, calculate swings and loads on the fly, run to the nearest hardware store to buy additional supplies, anything to do to get the job done. One of our best and brightest climbers emerged during this time. We used to call him “Wreck-it Rob”, he earned the new name, “Treesus”.

Revenue doubled again.

We moved out of the garage, expanded our auction-bought fleet, hired a bookkeeper, and contracted a CFO.

We were under $4M at that point, so the work was still manageable with our small team. 

Minor setback.

Remember that programmer I mentioned that sabotaged our software and stole Jeremy’s dog?

That happened, in 2013. He locked us out of all our data and disappeared. To this day I don’t know what really happened. (Although, there was a lot of weird, “addictive“ behavior leading up to it.)

But it became a blessing in disguise. It gave us a chance to re-build, throw out old code, and redesign the entire thing exactly how we wanted it.

Jeremy approached my brother, Tim, to be the lead programmer. They were good friends already. Tim had also designed the original A Plus logo, built our first website and was a crane operator on some of the jobs early on. He didn't mind the small projects, but had generally refused to work for Jeremy for longer periods. (He likes his freedom.)

Reluctantly, he agreed. Because 1) We were desperate. And 2) Jeremy got screwed and finally understood the value of a great coder.

(At some point he tried to hire my other 2 siblings...so he can “Collect all 4 Hon’s”)

Tim signed a 2-year contract. ArborPlus 2.0 emerged 8 months later.

It was beautiful and amazing and provided the foundation to make it everything we dreamed.

It would become the new engine to run A Plus. From client facing sales, to back-end operations— a powerful command center. (We’ve been building on it ever since, and what it’s become is pretty remarkable.)

Monumental markers.

In 2014 and 2015, two key players joined the sales team. Both women. This was also very counter-culture in our male-dominated tree industry.

I also met Shobab during this time. I was 30, he was 31. We met and married within 10 months (when ya know, ya know).

It wasn’t until Shobab, that I felt I could double down in my work. Ironic, I know. But it was no longer a question of where I might go or who I might end up with. We had a foundation to build upon.

He took over many of our “adult” responsibilities like paying bills, filing taxes, scheduling dental appts and car tune-ups. It afforded me more freedom and focus in my work. He sacrificed his own ambitions (for the time being) to support mine, and pushed me to be great.

Then, we went through the most insane 3 years of A Plus’s life. We doubled consecutively, year over year, over year.

During this period we also expanded into 6 more locations, began urban wood milling operations (turning trees we removed into benches & tables), completely rebranded, sold every old truck and piece of equipment we had, and rolled out the sweetest looking fleet eveerrrrr.

Seriously, our trucks are stunning.

Oh, and I had a baby at some point. It was a blur.

Out with the old white bland as sand fleet.

In with black ops urban forest elite.

We went big.

Everything was off the factory floor, custom painted and slapped with our urban forest graphics. The trucks matched the chippers, matched the mini skids, matched the stump grinders, matched the crew uniforms. Company phones were iPhones, all computers were Macs, cars were hybrids.

We stopped calling ourselves a tree company. We were a tech company that did tree work. And we strived for that kind of Facebook/Google culture, fancy parties and all.

My position evolved and transformed. No performance reviews, no formal offers. I grew with the company, took on greater work loads, did what had to get done and tried to execute Jeremy’s next big idea.

But it was insane. We were racing at full speed while still building the engine.

Everything was an emergency. Everything was anxiety.

I was afraid to wake up to those dreadful calls. “Sorry sarah, the branch bounced and went through the window.” “Sorry Sarah, I didn’t calculate the swing right and the limb took out the fence.” “Sorry Sarah, the crane lost its grip and a log crushed a car.”

It was endless. Constantly putting out fires. I avoided going into the office. I didn’t want to get drowned in whatever shit storm Jeremy was in the middle of.

But, there was always the laughter. Never a shortage of jokes. Some meetings may well have been comedy hour. Laughing to the point of tears.

And the wins. Always the wins. The celebrations when we pulled it off, however short-lived.

I hated and loved it. We threw out crazy goals and somehow, miraculously (but also not so miraculously because we all worked such ridiculous hours), would hit them.

By the end of 2016, I was focused on marketing, the sales team had grown to 7. Expectations were tremendous. Sales meetings were high intensity, high pressure. 

Every spare moment went to work. I remember the day Shobab called me and said, “Babe! We got the keys to our new house!” I hadn’t even seen it, only in photos. Who had time to shop for a house?

It was an ongoing joke of how much one person accomplished before the other person woke up. I’d be in a deep sleep at 7am and answer my phone bright & peppy liked I’d been up for hours. Jeremy never bought it.

I was also careful to keep work life separate from my personal life. Most friends & family didn't know much about what I did (other than something with trees). I preferred it that way. As much time as I spent in A Plus world, I also learned how to turn it off (mostly).

Over it.

Going into 2017, I was exhausted. I didn’t see an end to it and I began to detach. I planned my next pregnancy, just for the maternity leave.

It was hard to care about growth when the stress overcame the enthusiasm. I had lost sight of my own goals. Did I even have any?

I began to resent Jeremy and all the annoying pressure. He felt it too, my resentment. I wasn’t ever good at concealing my feelings. And after 8 years of working together, it didn’t take very long for him to ask, “Why do you hate me? What do you want to do? What’s going to make you happy?”

Actually, this was a pattern that happened every year. At some point I would start to get unsettled, and then frustrated. It was like some internal re-calibration, a reminder of my purpose. Find it again.

But we were at a tipping point. Maybe even past it.

In an industry where safety is everything, training is a huge deal. We would host awesome training days— Fly experts in, BBQs with live music and bounce houses, relay races on our equipment (which definitely was not safe), and chainsaw competitions.

But it wasn’t enough. Our teams needed systems implementation, regular audits, more processes in place to ensure good safety practices.

We were simply too big to operate as we always had.

Over 120 employees on payroll, and no HR. We were adding a new person every week, sometimes without paperwork or on-boarding. Jeremy made handshake deals and verbal promises.

Our invoices went out late and money came in slow. Clients owed us boatloads of money, but we didn’t have the personnel to collect it.

We had class actions suits against us based on technicalities. We put trucks on the road before they were registered. DOT was on our ass. The list goes on. We couldn’t keep up.

Found one. Lost one.

We were missing one crucial role: a head of operations. Jeremy was jumping back and forth to both sides of the business: Sales, hit the numbers. Operations, get it done.

We would need outside experience, someone who came from something much bigger than what we were. Someone to take us to where we wanted to go.

Jeremy hired a recruiter to scour the nation for that perfect Chief Operating Officer (COO) to be his right hand. To streamline the backend so he could stay focused on the company vision and culture. To fix all the operations and people problems.

He interviewed people over months and months.

He found his guy.

On Monday, October 9th, 2017, our new COO, Cyrus DeVere, started his first day.

Five days later, on Saturday morning, October 14th, I got the call. “Jeremy Tibbets died”.

“I’m sorry. What? That’s not possible."

I was in shock, but it was true. Jeremy had a massive heart attack. He was 37 years old.

I was 6 months pregnant with my 2nd girl. Shobab rushed home and got Yaelle. Checked on me and then gave me space.

Within the hour, I’m on a call with the 3 other remaining executives. After a few moments of consolation, it’s straight to business. Step #1: Take care of his family. #2: Take care of the company.

We sent out communication: Mandatory conference call. Three hours later, the 4 of us addressed the entire organization. We were breaking the news.

Stay calm, voice assertive and steady... "We are devastated. But A Plus must carry on and we will get through this. Work still starts Monday. Memorial services will be announced." I managed to keep it together.

Some had been with Jeremy since the beginning. 15 years. The company was his life and everyone felt it, knew it, and many were there because of it. The passion he brought was infectious. He was loved.

Jeremy was the founder, CEO, and owner. No investors, no outside capitol. A Plus now belonged to his wife.

The next day we met in the conference room: Me, Phil (VP at the time), Cyrus (new COO), our business consultant David (who had been a significant driver in A Plus' growth), and my father as the facilitator and acting in Jeremy’s family’s best interest (they were really close).

We looked at each other in disbelief. In extreme grief. We cried.

Then somebody (probably my dad) said an inappropriate joke about Jeremy’s death. Too soon. But still funny, Jeremy would have laughed. Probably would have said it himself.

So. Who’s going to run the company.

Picking up the pieces.

For being with A Plus only a week, it was a surprisingly easy call for us to ask Cyrus to take the lead. We unanimously agreed to it in that meeting.

Cyrus came from 5.11 Tactical, a $330M company, as the SVP and GM. He has a proven track record to build teams and scale companies. Trust is everything to him, you learn that quick.

He quietly led A Plus for the first few months, through it’s most difficult time. Both in the sensitive nature, and in keeping A Plus alive.

If you can imagine the founder of a 15 year company suddenly passing away with no preparation of ANYTHING, you can imagine how absolutely nuts it was to separate personal from business. Everything was convoluted.

There were things we wouldn’t have expected. Couldn’t have expected.

It seemed like one thing after another threatened our existence. As if Jeremy, and his bigger than life personality, was holding back the floodgates when he was here. And it all came rushing in, wave after wave.

Our 2018 consisted of getting healthy and strong. That was our war cry. Our focus was on "fixing" the hundreds of things we overlooked during our previous rapid growth years. We heavily invested into our people and infrastructure.

We still grew, and expanded into 2 new markets.

Hanging on the "Founder" wall in our Main Office.

Jeremy used to say to me, “I wonder what A Plus will look like when it grows up.” I think of our Jeremy-years as the crazy teenage years. Dramatic and exciting, overnight growth spurts and possibly reckless decisions. Through tragedy and hardship, we were forced to mature. “Corporatize” ourselves in many ways, while being careful to maintain the culture.

Cyrus has done a remarkable job of guiding us through our post-Jeremy era and leading us into the next. His style is different, of course. Jeremy found someone to compliment him, not to be him. He leads with passion in the same vision Jeremy shared with him early on, protecting the legacy of A Plus, while making it his own.

And now, in 2019, it’s back to the races. With an infrastructure that’s stronger than ever, a highly capable leadership team, and very key roles now in place, we’re poised to grow in a more controllable way.

We’re breaking company records on a monthly basis and have been coined an “elite kind of tree company” for how smooth we run operations.

We also launched our A Plus CARES initiative that provides our teams with regular volunteer opportunities to give-back to the community. And, we’re releasing a new app into the marketplace for the benefit of all tree care companies.

A Plus is still my home.

Jeremy was a significant loss in my and my family’s life. I miss the work we did together and the excitement that came from our accomplishments. He was a big kid that wanted to do big things.

When he was here, he talked of transforming the industry, of being large enough to make an impact. He was a guy with a big heart and a dream that was bigger than all the equipment he loved to buy.

People thought he was really crazy, or really smart, or both. But the industry knew he was a guy to watch, with a company to look out for.

It’s so sad to me how suddenly a dream can end.

From day one, Cyrus and I extended trust to each other. As the new CEO, he supports and reinforces my “voice” in the organization as I continue to what I love in A Plus. Pushing forward with many of the big ideas that Jeremy and I had, but wouldn't see come to life.

We’re still on the path he started. A path with a mission to improve the lives of the people who work for us and with us. To inspire the industry and make tree work a career to thrive in and to be proud of.

My weeks still begin with a bit of thrill and excitement. I currently work directly with the CEO, enjoying my role as Executive Director of Business Development, leading the strategy and execution of several initiatives that correlate with the growth and expansion of A Plus.

I look forward to experiencing this new era in A Plus life, to charge onward with all the amazing people in this company.

Jeremy would often text encouraging verses to his employees. This was one of the last ones he texted me, '"Now the God of all hope fill you with joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope, in the power of the Holy Spirit" Romans 15:13

Tree End ;)

-----

Watch A Plus is action: the "Movie Trailer" we played at our Annual Wood Awards, two months after Jeremy passed.

More about me.

If you’ve made it this far, and still interested. Here’s a bit more about my background in arbor-nerdology:

B.S. in Environment Science from UC Berkeley, Certified Arborist for 8 years, Registered Consulting Arborist, and I hold Pesticide Applicators Licenses in all states we operate in (for tree pest & disease treatments). 

Newborn Survival Guide

By no means am I any sort of baby pro. But I'm fairly good at googling stuff and finding what works for me: a modern, some-what progressive mom who enjoys a convenient lifestyle.

With our first girl, Yaelle, we were so worried about doing everything right and keeping her alive and healthy that we didn't stop to really enjoy it.

During the pregnancy of my second, Zhara, I was not looking forward to the newborn phase at all. I had remembered it being fairly stressful and a constant game of guess work.

Now, we're two weeks into Zhara's life and I am loving every minute of it :)

So, I decided to create a Newborn Survival Guide and share the methods and products that have made my newborn experience oh so pleasant. Some of which I used with Yaelle, and some that I added. There are links to each for more info.


SLEEP CAN HAPPEN

The biggest complaint of every new parent is a lack of sleep. Despite sleep accounting for roughly 70% of a newborn's life, parents just aren't getting it.

Here are 3 methods that have allowed us to get sleep through the night, and feel fairly rested during the day.

The 5 S's: Swaddle, Side, Shush, Swing, Suck
This method comes from a book called "Happiest Baby on the Block" and I've found that the Swaddle, Shush and Swing combo to be the most effective. The science behind is that it's made to mimic the comfort in the womb. This method has worked for both my girls like magic.

Burp, then burp again
Almost every time Yaelle or Zhara have been hard to put down, or awoke from a peaceful sleep, gas in the belly was the culprit. As annoying it is to burp after every feeding, I remind myself that it will save me the headache of having to do it later when they wake up screaming.

Send Daddy to the Guest Room (or Couch)
It's bad enough when one parent doesn't get sleep, but it's even worse when both are sleep deprived. This time around, Shobab has been sleeping in the guest room so that he can get a full night's rest. I can also sleep in without being bothered when he has to get up.

He's then able to get some work done in the day, help me out more and manage Yaelle. He gets her up, ready for school and allll that stuff that would especially difficult to do without any sleep. It also allows me to take care of Zhara through the night without worrying about waking him. It has been an incredible stress reliever in our parenting and there's no more of that groggy, "it's your turn". I imagine we'll do this during the first few weeks of her life until she starts sleeping longer at night.


STAY NOURISHED

It seems I'm always hungry and thirsty, especially when breastfeeding. Even though I have family and friends in the area who are thoughtful enough to cook and drop off food, it's usually not enough to make up for all our meals.

Sign up for Pre-made Meal Delivery Service
I decided to try Freshly this time. I've tried other meal delivery services like Blue Apron and Home Fresh, but this one involves no prep work and I just have to heat up. It's like a fresh and healthy TV dinner. It's never frozen and there are variety of different meals every week to choose from. So far, every one we've eaten has been delicious!

Drinks and Pre-made Meals

Stock up on Drinks & Fruit
With Yaelle, we were all about making shakes and juicing. This time around...not so much. With a Costco practically down the street, we keep the fridge stocked with Protein shakes (Ensure) and Smoothies (Odwallas) to quickly satiate hunger. Fruit is also great for snacking; Cuties and bananas are my go-to.


MY TOP TWELVE

Babies really don't need much and there is SO much baby stuff out there for every phase and activity of their little life. I chose those that I found most helpful to me during the newborn stage:

1. Diaper Caddie - Fits everything you need for diaper changing and easy to take room-to-room.

2. Kindle - Because there is so much down time when taking care of a newborn, it helps relieve boredom. The Kindle unlimited subscription makes it even better if you're like me and don't like to commit to buying books.

3. Water Wipes - I discovered these only recently. They are 99.9% water and supposed to be the purest wipes and best for sensitive skin. When changing a newborn who poops almost every 2 hours, it makes me feel better I'm using wipes without all the extra.

4. Surgical Face Masks (Adults & Kids) - Both of my girls were born during the flu season, so it was incredibly important to keep the germs away. For the first 3 weeks of their life, we require anyone who holds them (or within 5 feet) to wear a mask. It may seem a little much, but I can say that Yaelle never got sick as a baby.

5. Bag Balm - A miracle cure for diaper rash. I use bag balm instead of all other diaper rash creams with better results and less ingredients. Bag balm is mostly lanolin but has an anti-infective ingredient that stops growth of bacteria and fungi.

6. Boppy - Although it's mainly marketed as a nursing pillow, I bring the Bobby with me to every room in the house when I want to put her down and not worry about rolling.

7. Swaddles - I've found that the hospital blankets work the best! But if you don't have those, the next best thing are the muslin swaddles. There are so many brands out there, I haven't found much of a difference between any one of them.

8. Bassinet in Common Area - I have a bassinet in our bedroom, but since we live in a 2 story home, I like to keep a bassinet in the common area where the rest of us hang out. I prefer the noise around her so that she doesn't become a light sleeper. The bassinet shown here is the Arm's Reach Co Sleeper. I like this one because it's really sturdy and Yaelle can hang off it without me worrying about it tipping over.

9. Breast Pump - A MUST if you are producing more than your NB is eating! Store it up for when she moves to a bottle, or when your milk starts to run out. We got ours for free through our insurance at Kaiser, which is an Ameda Purely Yours. According to reviews, it's not the best pump, but it gets the job done!

10. Dedicated Water Bottle - To stay hydrated! It's amazing how much you can drink without peeing since it's all going to breast milk now. If you like techy things like I do, I got the Hidrate Spark, which is a bluetooth water bottle that tracks your intake and blinks to remind you when to drink.

11. Numbing Spray - For pain relief of your lady parts during the recovery period. If you had a hospital birth, they should have sent you home with a can or 2.

12. Ring Sling - I have the ergo baby as well, which I love, but a ring sling is much less bulky, good for around the house, and can also be used while nursing. There are many brands to choose from, I just found one on Amazon and went off the reviews. I've been told that cotton is better than linen because it holds better. I got this one because it a little more versatile, but like the reviews say, the tail is really long when using as a ring sling.



Feel free to share your tips and tricks that have helped you with your newborn! In a few months I'm sure I'll produce a new list for the 6-12 month phase ;)

Part II: My Start-up Called "Marriage"

Continuation from Part I...

Maybe we need job descriptions 

On my parent's 40th anniversary, Shobab and I asked them to share advice with us. While in principle, what they shared was helpful, I realized that generationally we are very different, and the same rules may not apply.

My parents had very distinct and specific roles in our family. My father was an entrepreneur and the provider, my mother raised us 4 kids and ran the house. Not to say that my dad had no part in raising us, he was fully involved, but my mom had the freedom to manage us and the house how she pleased. They worked seamlessly together, and trusted each other's capability in their responsibilities.

For myself however, being in a marriage with a partner who is equally ambitious and equally contributes in and out of the house, responsibilities can become blurred, overlap, and even conflict.

Let's just take our 2.5 year old daughter, Yaelle, as an example:

Between Shobab's home renovation projects and client appointments, he usually manages Yaelle's daytime schedule. He's the morning parent. He prepares her breakfast a specific way, knows who's watching her and their times, knows when she went down for a nap and how long she napped.

When I get home in the evening, it's my time to take over. I have my own evening routine: play with Yelli, cook dinner, play more, get her ready for bed, maybe some last minute work, then QT with Shobab before lights out.

If every day looked like this, I'd say we have it figured out pretty well. But, what happens when the schedule changes? Which it often does.

When I have to fill the role of Yaelle's morning and daytime activities, then Shobab oversteps and starts to micromanage. He pushes what he thinks is best and how he does it.

Well, I'm her MOTHER...so you can imagine how that power struggle might play out.

So recently, we actually wrote down who is in charge of what. From chores around the house to responsibilities in certain situations. It created clearer distinctions, and took away some sense of feeling overwhelmed.

A great company has a great core, what's ours?

At the heart of every great company, you will usually find 3 things: a strong Mission, Vision and Core Values. Usually the most successful companies have the strongest of these 3. And almost every time, it will heavily involve charities and giving-back.

During a few of the exercises at our retreat, we did 2 things that immediately improved the relationships in our team:

1) We went around the room, shared our core values individually, and then defined our core values as a company. I learned that "Art" was at the top of a colleague's list. I had no clue that this person was artistic at all. So what did this change? A lot, I now have an idea of what is important to him and why he may be stronger in some areas and weaker in others.

2) We each came up with 3 commitments and consolidated them to create a sort of leadership covenant. One of these commitments was "Don't gossip and always go directly to the person with your problem". By defining these kinds of practical commitments, we were establishing the proper culture and trust within the team that will affect the rest of our company as we lead.

In the very same way, I should have a clear understanding of Shobab's core values, our marriage's core values, and what exactly our commitments are to each other.

When I'm talking about commitments, I'm not talking about our vows. Who the heck remembers those anyway? Our heads were in the clouds...so everything probably felt do-able.

What I'm talking about are the small, daily commitments.

For example, one of Shobab's core values is building for the future. Everything he does is with a long-term view. I've learned that this is a value that drives him. I've also learned that I can support this value by recognizing what he does and appreciating it.

If I really understand this, then a daily commitment of mine should be something along the lines of, "Express appreciation in 3 things he did". It's a commitment that meets an emotional need for him in a way that will continue to energize something he deeply values.

In relating to a strong mission and vision, I see this as having a clear purpose of something greater. I don't think the end game of a marriage is happiness forever after. Our desire to learn and grow and be better is not just for us in the relationship and the benefit of our daughter.

I believe that our partnership should be used to have a greater positive effect on those around us, in whatever way that may be.

That might mean bringing people into our home for dinner and fellowship on a weekly basis, creating an emotionally and spiritually supportive environment. That might mean making as much money as we can so we continue to have the means to help others. Or it might mean having to figure it out for ourselves, so we have the tools and experience to help other's in their struggles.

Whatever it is, we're still working on that clarity. It comes and goes and it's easy to get caught up in the daily grind and forego all perspective.

In the frustrating times, bringing it back to a vision, the "why" factor, and with a heart of understanding, is what almost 100% of the time breaks us out of our discontent.

While it may seem a little cold to compare work life to marriage, the stages where I'm at in each has helped me adopt and apply principles that are valuable to both.

After getting married, I quickly learned that the married life was not something that came "naturally" to me. 

I thought I would easily transition into a shared life after more than a decade of being a very independent adult. That was also not the case. 

I thought I could rely on my instincts and ability to adapt in order to keep my partner happy and fulfilled. I learned my instincts are usually selfish.

Thankfully, my husband is very understanding, patient (most times), and possesses a wisdom about sacrifice and partnership well beyond his generation. And thankfully, we still have a lot of fun with each other and our foundation of love and faith has only gotten stronger over the years.

Lastly, I've learned that the principles of life are universal. The signs of a healthy life are growth and beauty: from plants, to people, to spirituality, to businesses. What we neglect and starve will decline and decay. What we feed, nurture and cultivate will thrive.

Like my husband loves to say, "The grass ain't always greener, you just gotta water your own."