Part II: Thoughts from the Minivan

PART II: Thoughts from the Minivan


Continued from Part I: Four kids later...


As I shuttle the kids around in my minivan, school to home to taekwondo to gymnastics to ceramics to the park, to the edge of the universe and back. I use my Siri Talk-to-Notes pretty often when I have new ideas, thoughts, or anything really.

So, here are four "lessons" that stuck with me lately.

They aren't novel or anything groundbreaking. I'm sure you can find a million one-liners and inspirational quotes on social media about this stuff. But for me, they've been real. Real to my experience of wanting to live better.



1. Working to forgive.

Forgiveness is one of those things that is easy to say and sometimes impossible to actually, really, truly do. Especially when the offense is real, the pain is deep, or when I know I’m right.

I know what it feels like to not want to forgive and why. It feels like injustice, it feels like that person doesn’t deserve my forgiveness because “they need to learn”. It feels like “I’m letting them off too easy”. It feels like I’m not being true to myself.

It also feels like a literal stone in my heart, a feeling of unrest or anxiety any time I think of that person. A weight that keeps me from showing up as a better, and more whole person.

But here’s the truth: forgiveness has only ever improved my life. I’ve never once thought, “Ah man, I shouldn’t have forgiven them.”

Forgiveness is powerful. Forgiveness is freedom. It can heal. It has allowed me to move onward, upward. It has also allowed relationships to grow and flourish, to be lifelong.

What does my forgiveness look like?

I say it out loud. I say it in my heart. I say it to God. I say it when I don’t feel it and speak it into reality. And then I say it again if the feelings come back up. If it’s really deep-rooted, I’ll write it on a piece of paper and watch it burn. Turn it to ashes.

Imagine a life without holding on to offenses. Releasing all the burden that comes along with it. Life gets lighter, easier, more enjoyable.

And for me, life is about relationships with people. My family, my community of friends, my colleagues. The richer those relationships are, the richer I feel in life. And sometimes people will never forgive back, and sometimes I won’t get that “sorry” I want, or that change I want to see, but that’s ok. That’s not my burden to carry. I just make sure I’m good on my part and be open if that relationship ever comes back around.


2. Words have power.

“The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” This is a big one for me.

Words have the power to tear down or build up. We can use them to make ourselves, and others, feel better, or feel worse.

There’s a moment in my young adult life that I distinctly recall my sister saying to me something along the lines of, “You have to be careful you know, you have a sharp tongue.”

It stuck with me because I had never heard that from anyone. And I thought about that often afterward. What’s a sharp tongue? What did that mean?

It wasn’t until years into my marriage did I see the full truth to this. How my words can cut. How quickly an unrestrained tongue can erupt into an argument about nothing.

I’ve learned that this is, personally, my hardest “temptation” to not give in to. To NOT say what I really want to say in the heat of the moment. To hold it in, sit on it, then decide whether something is worth saying. Sometimes this feels impossible.

And it’s also not just about what I say or don’t say to others, it’s what I 'm thinking, what I'm saying in my head. And how when I give space to those word, it can shape how I feel inside.

Sometimes at the end of the day I reflect on all the conversations I had. What did they look like, how do I feel about what was said, what could I have said differently, better, or not at all? It doesn't happen every day, but I do think about stuff like this often.


3. There’s always movement.

"Downtime” doesn't really exist in my day. If there’s a moment to be had between the kids, work, or our businesses, then I'll fill it with my next new idea, or writing this blog, or my new children's book series (more to come on that), or planning the next party.

Shobab and I regularly sit and talk about, “What should we do next?” What’s in front of us, what can we do to better for our families' lives, who needs help around us?

We run with what’s given to us and the opportunities that come our way. Things don’t always play out as we want, but we keep trying. Plenty of failures and mistakes, but I’d say overall the trajectory is up.

I feel like the constant movement generates purpose, and keeps our life meaningful. So I don't know if this is neccessary a "life lesson", maybe more of an awareness of the things that drive us. That keep Shobab and I energized and excited to keep going when it feels like we're doing the same thing day after day.

When I first got Covid a couple of years back, I didn’t get that sick, I was only down for 2 days. But the COIVD “blaaahhh” that came after was REAL. I found myself waking up feeling dull and wondering what is the meaning to anything. What is life and why does it feel so aimless.

And with all the news and wars, and tradgeties, it’s easy to feel lost when, in the grand scheme of things, my little life seems insignificant. And my struggles or challenges seem so minor compared to the struggles and injustices so many others face.

It’s not lost on me how fortunate I am in life. I feel undeserving and lucky to have all that I have.

Which brings me to my last thought.


4. Open home. Open heart.


They say home is where the heart is. So when we open our home to the mess, the kid chaos, all the things. We’re opening our hearts, in whatever season of relationship we're in, and making room for others. On any given weekday we might have company over. Just as long as we can be in bed by 10pm.

Single, dating, married, with kids or without, I’ve always had people over. It’s how I grew up, so maybe it comes more naturally. But over the course of our marriage and family life, it’s become something we both love. Something we can’t imagine life without.

There’s a verse that says, “To whom much is given, much will be required".

This resonates strongly. Because what we are given, we recognize isn’t ours. And what we may have spent our lifetime to build can be quite literally be taken away in a moment.

When we bought our first home. We committed that it would always be a welcoming space and refuge for friends and family. How we got our home in the competitive market we were in at the time was nothing short of a miracle: 11 other offers, and ours was $60k less than the highest. For whatever reason, the owners favored us.

When we were looking for our next property, we prayed the same prayer and made the same commitment. Another type of miraculous intervention happened; it's a longer story, but also nothing short of God's grace.

That verse is a reminder of responsibility and gratitude.

When I think about everything we’ve been given...our family, friends, health, home, community...none of it feels like it’s just ours. These things are gifts that are meant for us to steward, not possessions we get to keep.

Keeping our home open is our way of the “much is required” part and what that could look like in real life.


To wrap it all up.

When blessings overflow, I hope to pour it out to others. When I've been shown grace, I want to extend it. When our home is full, we'll always make room at the table. Because whether it’s the mom part, the wife part, or all the in-between parts, I want it all to come from the same place. From love, gratitude, and an open heart.

And now, as I wait for Shobab to finish building our new home, that promise still stands. 

Until the next update!